grandmomma

My mother and uncle arrived on Sunday - squeaking through Snoqualmie Pass after clean-up of one avalanche and an hour before it was closed for 15 hours from another 2 avalanches. Z has preferred Grandmomma's lap over the bassinet - allowing me to catch up on laundry, cleaning, and sleep. J went back to work Monday, worked 1/2 day Tuesday, and is working a full day today. It's wonderful to have momma here for support.

The word for the last few days has been "gas." We learned the hard way that spicy thai food does not make for a good night of sleep for any of us. We are celebrating farts and burps - no matter who makes them - and the louder the better. I'm amazed at how many techniques there are for helping a baby pass gas - massage, sitting upright after eating, anti-gas drops, etc.

Like a bird regurgitating food for her young, Z ensures that I get a bit of every meal. The first few days I was changing him and me several times a day, but that took too much work so I'm proudly wearing these gifts from my son throughout the day.

Z had his 2 week check-up yesterday. He's even bigger! 10 pounds 13 ounces and quickly outgrowing his newborn clothes. There is a bag full of clothes that he never fit into that I plan to either take to the consignment shop or to send to other folks who are expecting babies in the next few months.

This morning, sitting on the couch with Z napping in my lap I was looking at the mountains cloaked in clouds and a bald eagle flew down our alley! Right at my eye level (at the 2nd story of our house). whoa!

The sun is out for a bit this morning. I hope it lasts. All this rain is really getting to be too much. Especially since I know how much of it is turning into snow up in the mountains...and no snowboarding for me for a while. boo-hoo.

Yesterday, we made our first trip to the dog park! J carried Z in the sling and I shuffled along behind them. It was my longest walk yet. By the end of it, I was definitely feeling a drop in my blood sugar; next time we'll bring some juice to keep my energy up.

Someone's hungry....

first outtings

Yesterday, we took Zeb (via car and then sling) to the toy store to buy a mobile and to the book store to buy calendars. On the way home we stopped by a friend's house to introduce Z. Today, I made my first solo outting - I can drive! I went to Freddie's for a covered garbage can for Z's room, a light for above the changing table, new PJs for J, and some other miscellaneous stuff. It felt good to run an errand on my own - not only to have a few minutes to myself, but the independence of driving myself and shopping for myself.

As I mentioned the other day (you get what you need), I've become more aware that I can be stubbornly independent. I am learning to surrender to the love and care from those around me and looking for a balance between independence and dependence.

I asked J again if he is annoyed by all of the work is he doing around here - cleaning, cooking, requests for food and drink sprinkled throughout the day, etc. He said, "no" - he's enjoying being the patriarch. He said that as Z and I slept on the couch in our sunny, open living room with Miles Davis playing in the background, J surveyed the scene and felt proud to be "the man slave." Well...allllll right.

I'm trying to enjoy this time and not think about J going back to work. He plans to work 2-3 days next week, but I think he'll be back to full-time after that. I'm going to miss his full-time care and this time together. I'll also miss the clean house. ;) But, I'll revel in his care for now and worry about the next stage when the time arrives. At least we know my mom will be here. She wrote from North Dakota last night and they (she and her brother) should arrive in Missoula tonight; forecast is snow. We're hoping the roads are clear. If all goes well, when we wake tomorrow they'll only be 7-8 hours away....

We began talking about our first date. Not sure when or where...but I'm looking forward to it. Valentine's Day is coming up. J's parents will be here that week and his mom is planning a holiday meal for all of us (J's parents, my mom, Z, J, and me).

Somebody's waking up...

view from the boob cam

Here is the view from "lulu" (the left one). We held our "virtual baby shower" yesterday - my coworkers are scattered about the world so boxes of gifts have been showing up over the last few weeks. Photos of the shower and Z at home are available.

the 4th trimester

I've heard the first 3 months of a baby's life called the "4th trimester" because the babes are developing so many basic features that other mammals would have developed in utero. Unlike a horse, Z is months from walking because we're waiting for his big noggin to fill up with brains. Humans birth our young earlier because if we had to wait until our babes were as ready as other mammals...ouch.

At any rate, the fourth trimester is also about the length of time it takes mom's body to return to a non-pregnant state. My two favorite moments so far:

1. Yesterday, I wore my shoes with socks and tied with pretty bows. I had been wearing my sneakers Run DMC style for several weeks (months?) - untied and as loose and floppy as possible with no room for socks. (Run DMC removed the laces to their Adidas, I didn't go that far.)
2. My stomach bump is about the size it was at 5 months, but I've already lost 22 pounds. 10 of that was obviously Zeb and the rest must have been a combination of water (I have ankles and toes!) and afterbirth (my super efficient placenta and umbilical that allowed me to grow a 10-pounder).

Birds seem to be in Z's future. The day before he was born we saw a young bald eagle sitting about 10 yards away from us and an adult flying overhead. Since then, we've been naming his different sounds after bird calls. So far we have "the quack" which is his Daffy Duck impersonation that he makes when digesting (and is sometimes a cue for a spit-up) and "the hawk" which seems to be the joyous "cawing" that follows a successful fart.

you get what you need

No more photos yet. I've been playing with the camera, but I haven't quite figured out a shot that captures his cuteness. heh.

We seem to be settling into a good routine. Although, we couldn't have done it without Sally from the birthing center. On Monday, we returned to the hospital for our "mother-baby visit." Since Z had been fussy for several hours and we were frazzled, we considered blowing off the appointment, but it was the perfect time and situation for us to go. Sally was wise and incredibly intuitive: since John and I are both "intense" (rather than mellow) we have an intense baby and he needs to be swaddled during feeding (to keep his hands from distracting him as he feeds) and his feet need to be supported (so he doesn't feel he is floating in air and that he knows his physical boundaries). Also, we had been "priming" him with pumped milk (to get him started feeding) which meant that he was filling up on foremilk rather than hindmilk (i.e., getting the initial sugar water and not the protein-rich good stuff) which was likely causing him to be gassy which caused the fussing. With those few things and a handful of other tricks (like pushing his feet into his belly to relieve gas - yoga baby!), we've settled into a pretty good 2-4 hour feeding pattern. I've also cut out as much dairy as I can in case that has been contributing to the gas.

He's been really alert a few times during the day...we'll stare into each other's eyes for what seem like hours (but is probably only 20-30 minutes :) .

J got a new acoustic guitar for Z and gave us a private concert the other night. I think it was one of the best moments of my life...me holding Z in my lap listening to my husband sing a love song he wrote for me while we were in college.

As for his birth, JW helped me realize that you get what you need not necessarily what you want. Being as independent and strong-willed as I can be having the birth that I imagined could have really empowered me in ways that would have interfered with my partnership with J. As it is, I have had to rely on him more than I ever have and it has brought us closer together. I had been asking the universe for a healthy baby, a non-medicated birth, and for J and my relationship to deepen and grow, for us to be able to welcome this new person into our lives in such a way that all of our lives would be enriched. Apparently, for me to have the healthy baby and rich relationship with my husband I did not need to have the non-medicated birth.

I also have to mention Tom - our anesthesiologist. Since I was so worried about the surgery my ob/gyn nurse suggested that I arrive 30 minutes early to talk with Tom. He pushed on my back to give me an idea how the spinal would feel and talked me through the entire surgery - what would be happening, what he would be doing, what the other doctors would be doing, and what I should expect to feel. He was very excited about the whole process and obviously enjoys his work - enthusiastically describing each step in the surgery, "It's so cool! One doctor will be pushing on the top of your belly and the other will be pulling the baby out." After all of the details of the surgery, we had plenty of time before they needed to start prepping me so he asked how J and I met and where we were from. How is this for a small world: Tom graduated from Elmhurst College! That's where J and I met - a small private school outside of Chicago. Most people have never heard of it and I've never met anyone (other than the folks we went to school with) who graduated from EC. In the delivery room he had everyone singing "Windy" by The Association - one my favorite songs since I was named after it (with the spelling of the Beach Boys song).

The rest of the hospital stay was good. We had several people visit us in the hospital and J took care of everything - burping, swaddling, changing diapers, etc. etc. while it took all of my energy to hold and feed Z. Again, I got what I needed and not what I asked for - J gained confidence in handling Z and I surrendered to being cared for and slowing down.

Thank you universe for giving me what I needed and not what I wanted. Regardless of how a baby arrives, it is a new life and a mother is born.

Zeb Gregory Boudreau

Born 4:19 p.m. 18 January 2006. We spent our first night at home last night. Z seems to approve of the place. Caliko (the cat) isn't sure what to make of all the noise, but she doesn't seem too disturbed. Iko and Reba (the dogs) haven't met him yet, not sure when we'll make our first introductions. Thankfully, they are staying with friends until we are more settled. There are 3 more photos of Zeb available at flickr.

More thoughts soon...I'm off to get a few minutes of sleep before my boys wake back up. :)

Thanks again for all of your thoughts and prayers - particularly on Wednesday. It's definitely an intense experience. More on that soon (I hope).

baby by 5 pm

We've returned from the doctor's office with an appointment for a c-section at 4 p.m. We'll have a baby by the end of the day!

I'm disappointed to not have him naturally...but he's a big boy and we don't want to risk his health or mine. I've also never had surgery and am pretty frightened...I can only hope that the drugs are good. ;)

We'll be in the hospital for at least 2 days for recovery and look forward to sending photos as soon as we're out.

Thank you all for thinking and praying for us. Just one more day, please.

patience is a virtue

I know several folks were hoping that no news yesterday was good news and that we were in labor. I'm sorry to report that we weren't. We had another fetal stress test in the morning: contractions are still irregular and weak, his heartrate looks good. After lunch we had an ultrasound to determine his weight, and check amniotic fluid, placental health, and the flow of fluids through the umbilical cord. Everything checked out o.k. The biggest shock was her initial estimate that he was 11 pounds. After tilting me partly upside down to get his head out of my pelvis so she could take more measurements, she said 10 pounds. This test has an error rate of +/- 2 pounds...we're obviously hoping for -2. She said babies over 9 pounds are usually not delivered vaginally which was disappointing to hear. We did some research online to come up with a few possible game plans then watched a couple movies, went back to the gym, and ate more spicy food.

Stubborn little fella!

fashionably late

I've always taken a while to warm up to major life changes. J and I dated for 7 years before marrying and spent another 8 years together before deciding to have a child. After one of our first dates, J said, "we have plenty of time" which has become one of the most repeated phrases throughout our relationship. Little did I know that my uterus and unborn child would reach a similar agreement.

When I went to Brussels in June, I claimed that my return trip was a "birth test." It started with a delayed flight from Brussels to Copenhagen that caused me to miss a direct flight to Seattle. I had been wanting to read "The da Vinci Code" and found a copy in the Brussels airport. A couple hours later I arrived at the transfers desk in Copenhagen. For two more hours, I chatted with two amusing South Africans as we waited our turns for an audience with the transfers desk. It took another 30 minutes to negotiate a flight to Seattle on a different airline with a transfer through Vancouver, Canada. My new flight was scheduled to leave in 4 hours so I walked several "laps," ate, and read.

They finally announced that our flight would be boarding, so we walked through the passport and security check into the gate area. I met a Dutch woman traveling to a small town north of Vancouver to visit her daughter and grandson. We were happily talking until we noticed that mechanics were removing the wheels from the airplane. As the realization spread to the other 300 passengers, conversations in various languages speculated about our fate. Thirty minutes later we learned that the brakes were being replaced and were asked to, "please come back in 2 hours."

Since I was in my first trimester of the pregnancy and had spent the previous 4 days in 12 hour per day meetings, I was exhausted. I walked for a bit then decided I wanted to sit near the gate and doze. I was creating a nest with my bags on the floor when a young gentleman said, "Hey - you look pretty tired. Please, take my seat and I'll take the floor." His seat was one of those rare airport seats that recline. I joyfully obliged, read for a while, then dozed. Several hours (and pages of the book) later, we were on our way to Vancouver.

Ten (or so) hours later, I watched a family with young children collect their bags and felt a wave of excitement about the new life we would be welcoming in 6 months. Then, I watched everyone else collect their bags. I wasn't too surprised that my bags had not arrived with me - I had missed a connecting flight, switched airlines, and added an extra customs stop all in one go. I acknowledged that this was the first of many lessons for birth and motherhood. I calmly approached the service counter and patiently waited in line as I watched the clock tick past the departure for my flight to Seattle.

I arrived in Seattle 12 hours later than planned, without my luggage, and having started and finished the 593 pages of "The da Vinci Code." I felt that I had passed this test with flying colors - I had remained calm, optimistic, and adapted to each change along the way.

Waiting for the actual birth hasn't been so smooth. Yesterday, I was frustrated for a while and even a bit worried that something was wrong. After a walk around Green Lake last night at 10:30 to the light of the full moon followed by a good night of sleep, I wake this morning reminded that from here on out life will be even more full of unexpected twists and turns. We are still within the healthy window for delivery and all signs are positive. Most first time pregnancies go beyond the due date.

I'm back in the "zone."

What really worries me is that I'm reading "Quicksilver." It's 916 pages and I'm only on page 549...

doctor's orders

After the stress test the doctor suggested that I "walk around Green Lake with someone and have sex with your husband." The stress test was pretty simple: I sat on a table with two monitors strapped to my belly. One monitored contractions and the other monitored Gilhooly's heartbeat. The test was to see how his heartbeat increased when he moved and decreased when he settled. They wanted to see at least two 15 point differences within 30 minutes. He passed with flying colors within the first 10 minutes of the test, but I had to log the full 30 minutes. I had 2 one minute contractions and his heartrate increased with each peak of the contraction and then decreased afterwards. The nurse says that this shows he is getting enough oxygen. Plus, two contractions! I hadn't even realized I was having them. Each lasted about a minute and created a sizable peak on the monitor. These are still "practice" contractions...still warming up for the big show, but it is a good indication of progress and that we're getting closer.

I'm off to eat some spicy food and follow the doctor's orders. :) Wish us luck.

brothers, today's dr's appt

To be fair, the men in my life have also been extremely supportive during the pregnancy and many of the things said about sisters can be said for the brothers as well! :) Especially J who is going to be a phenomenal father.

We are still waiting for Gilhooly to make his grand entrance. The movement and cramping I felt yesterday was him dropping. I didn't think my belly could be any more in the way, but it's even lower and further out! I'm finally dilated - but only 1 cm. At our appointment this morning we began talking about plans for inducing. I have another appointment tomorrow morning for a fetal stress test (assuming I need the appointment, which I hope I won't) I'll sit with a fetal monitor for 30 minutes. If we go through the weekend, I'll have another 30 minute session on Monday followed by an ultrasound. If we go until next Thursday, we'll have an appointment with the doctor to determine next steps.

Let's hope that I get my wish to delivery on Friday the 13th. Things are looking good, I'll keep moving around today to help the cause.

sisters

JW sent this to me this week and it beautifully expresses how I've been feeling about the support from the many women in my life - mothers, friends, colleagues, and female relatives. This pregnancy has been a time to deepen connections with the Sisters that were already active in my life, to reconnect with others who I had lost touch with, and to create new connections. I am thankful for the Sisters in my life and the buoyancy they (you!) have given me.

I'm not sure who wrote this piece. If you know, give me a clue so I can attribute it properly.

'SISTERS'

A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced tea and visiting with her Mother. As they talked about life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter.

"Don't forget your Sisters," she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass. "They'll be more important as you get older.

"No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need Sisters. Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them.

"Remember that 'Sisters' means ALL the women... your girlfriends, your daughters, and all your other women relatives too.

"You'll need other women. Women always do."

'What a funny piece of advice!' the young woman thought. 'Haven't I just gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!'

But she listened to her Mother. She kept contact with her Sisters and made more women friends each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her Mom really knew what she was talking about. As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, Sisters are the mainstays of her life.

After more than 50 years of living in this world, here is what I've learned:

Time passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Jobs come and go.
Love waxes and wanes.
Men don't do what they're supposed to do.
Hearts break.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favors.
Careers end.
BUT.........

Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you.

A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach. When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end.

Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you. Or come in and carry you out. Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, Mothers, Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended family, all bless our life!

Thank you sisters! xoxo

T+2

2 days post due date. It's windy today but not rainy which gave us an excellent view of the Olympics on the dog walk this morning. Two bald eagles circled overhead at the end of the walk.

Invigorated by the lack of rain and motivated to keep moving to induce labor, I worked in the yard for a couple of hours. I took more branches off of the willow - the third major pruning to de-IT-ify and give it some shape and airways. I trimmed the neighbor's bamboo to give the red japanese maple more air and took a couple smaller branches off of the green japanese maple. I cleaned up all the fallen apples, the Halloween pumpkin, and a variety of other things that had been rotting in the yard for the last 2 months. I trimmed off the dead leaves from the hydrangea that we moved last fall. We were pretty sure the move had killed it, but I was happy to find buds on all of the branches. I also trimmed up the wisteria, lavender, and african violet.

I was waiting for spring to clean up the clematis but it's already sprouting buds so I'll wait until after it blooms to trim it. The jasmine has gone crazy this winter! It started as a 2 inch sprig and has climbed all the way up the 6 foot fence. I'm surprised to see a patch of tulips at 3 inches already. I hope they don't bloom too early.

The weeds are also thriving, but that's too much bending over for me right now. Grass has infiltrated the creeping thyme and I have a feeling I might replace all of that with something else this spring. It's pretty but it is so hard to keep clear of weeds. I still need to plant the 2nd green japanese maple. I hope it will survive the rest of winter in its pot (it's second winter in this pot).

The grass is in need of serious love. I didn't reseed it last fall before the rains came and it's not quite a muddy mess but on it's way there. There isn't much I can do until the rains let up and I can mow, fertilize (organically - of course ;), and reseed. I can't wait to build the veggie box and watch the garden grow. I look forward to sunny days out in the yard with Gilhooly watching or sleeping nearby.

past due

Yesterday was our due date. Although, as I have said before, it's more of a "due month." Needless to say that when the day rolls around it's hard not to get excited and expect it to happen. We tried our best to get him out yesterday...I walked 1.5 miles, pressed all the pressure points, drank coffee...but gave up around noon when nothing seemed to be happening. Yesterday would have been a good day for a birth - not only was it Elvis' birthday it was the first day we've had sun and a few hours of respite from rain.

I envision sun streaming in through the window when we first meet him. The 10 day weather forecast shows a 70% chance of rain every day through Saturday. Sunday looks like the first day we could get some sun. I've been asking the universe to give us a quick break in the rain as he's born so that he's greeted with warmth.

Despite the rain, today would be a good day, too. It's SB's birthday and it would be fun to share that with her. Tomorrow would work since it's the day that I had in mind for most of the pregnancy and the date in binary is a palindrome (if numbers can be palidromes...) - 01 10 2006 = 01 1010 11111010110. The next date that would be cool is Friday the 13th with the full moon - which is the date that throughout the pregnancy I have thought would be most magical. At this point, any date this week would be fabulous and despite how cool it would be to birth on Friday the 13th it seems so far away. :)


The photos of LMG and I are more popular than I expected. swimsuits has been viewed almost 700 times since published last Thursday and has attracted some interesting people to my photo stream. I hope that once I start publishing photos of Gilhooly they will lose interest.

Since I've finished most of the items on my to do list I can spend today doing yoga, playing with photos, cooking and whatever else strikes my fancy. I am so thankful that I listened to the advice to stop working a couple weeks before the due date. The past couple weeks have been so relaxing. The last thing I'd like to do before he arrives is to clean up the yard, but I'd like a couple days without rain so it can dry out a bit. That doesn't look likely any time soon. Maybe I'll scratch it off the list.

I'm feeling a bit like a banana that's been sitting in the fruit bowl for a few days - the green is gone and it's bright yellow except for a couple places where you can see there will be brown spots if you leave it sit for a couple more days. Ripe.

babes in blogland

Babes in blogland is tracking the blogs of expectant parents. Look how many there are! Lots of good birth and pregnancy stories...

loving the belly

LMG and I took several photos today before she left. more photos of me, LMG, and the belly

T-3...and counting

Gilhooly was active all day yesterday, so we figured he must be having his going away party. "Bladder, you've been an excellent pillow. Sorry about all the pressure. Boobs, I'm looking forward to getting to know you better. See ya placenta, you've been a life maker." Placenta responds, "Dude! I got your back. I'll be right behind ya."

LMG has been here since New Year's and it's been absolutely wonderful. We've finished several things around the house, plus we made cookies, she cleaned the kitchen, cooked dinner, then gave me a massage! I'm feeling very relaxed and ready to welcome Gilhooly to our home.

I've been thinking about what I'll miss about being pregnant as well as what I won't miss. What I'll miss:

• being treated like a queen
• watching my belly move
• knowing that Gilhooly hears me sing offkey and hoping that he inherits J's ability to sing in tune
• always having an excuse to take a nap
• moving slowly
• feeling like a universe
• always having an excuse to get up, move around, or leave a room (gotta pee!)

What I won't miss:

• maternity clothes
• swollen ankles and hands
• butterfingers (i.e., dropping everything)
• having to bend over with a full belly to pick up everything that I drop

This morning's visit to the doctor was uneventful. I've gained 2 more pounds (all those cookies...), my belly measures 40 cm (right on target), I'm not dilated, my blood pressure is good, blah blah blah. On the other hand, I'm 43 inches around...I wonder what my waist used to measure? I wonder what it will measure in 6 months. I'll keep you posted...I'm looking forward to continuing this blog as Gilhooly grows and I shrink. :)