Not about me

those eyes!
Originally uploaded by wendy chisholm

I've been writing a lot about myself lately and I realize I need to give Zeb some air time! Here are some quick updates.

Last Wednesday we took Iko to the vet for a wound on his leg that doesn't seem to be healing. On our way out, the receptionist asked Zeb if he was going to pay. He replied, "I don't have any money. My girl does." (and pointed to me). She asks, "Oh, your mom will pay. I thought you looked a lot older. Maybe 15." Exasperated he says, "Oh come on! I'm only 3 and a half!" Much laughter followed.

We start many of our days with either a race or a dance party. His favorite song is "Shake it out" by Karl Denson's Tiny Universe. (Great Taste!) We also often play this song in the car on the way to preschool.

Zeb likes to pretend. He most often plays the role of: Bumblebee (or more recently, *New* Bumblebee), Blue Racing Car, Little Bolt, or Baby Bird. I am assigned the following corresponding roles: Wheeljack, Red Racing Car, Big Bolt (or Penny), or Mama Bird. Hillary is sometimes Thundercracker, Pink Racing Car, or Medium Bolt. Iko is usually White Racing Car.

There are more photos of Zebulon from the last month or so.

Radiant

View of the Capitol
Originally uploaded by wendy chisholm

We're halfway through the 3rd trimester. The last time I wrote was 6 weeks ago and in that time I've been to California twice and to D.C. once. I met a U.S. Senator, the Director of the NSF and been the Seattle PI's Geek of the Week. I've started working 30+ hours per week, been dancing a couple of times, reconnected with a very dear friend, and continued to date. I've sobbed in therapy and felt happier than I have in a long time. I'm meeting new people and finding myself in the midst of two amazing, smart, warm, wise communities. I feel blessed. I continue to reprogram my brain and body. Several times per day I rest my hands on my belly and check in with my gut then move my hands to my chest and check in with my heart. I'm getting lots of good information...and listening to it.

The current nugget that I'm wrestling with is accepting that I am a geek and there are people out there who are attracted to geeky women in glasses. [[...deleted opinions about John not finding geeks attractive and me spending most of our relationship trying to hide the fact that I'm a geek with glasses...]]

A friend told me this morning that I looked radiant. This is after crying and not showering. He truly thought I looked beautiful. And, I felt radiant. Not because I looked beautiful, but I felt and looked like MYSELF. Wendy 3.0 in her full glory.

Seeing myself through my eyes instead of others. Loving what I see because it is me. I am lovable! It's been so long since I've felt that. It's so hard to admit and so freeing to admit that.

So, here I am. A geek with glasses. A big brain and a big heart.

Radiant.