tiptoe...through the tulips

Tulip Festival: Mom. Wendy, Zeb - 2
Originally uploaded by Three Seas.

Yesterday, great-grandmomma, grandmomma, Z, and I went to the Skagit Valley Tulip Festival. My camera died, but mom took some beautiful photos. mmmmm. flowers!!!

moms on parade

The last time I walked the 3 miles around Green Lake it was under a full moon at 10 pm and I was attempting to induce labor. Today, exactly three months later, I joined the mommy parade - briskly pushing babies in strollers around the lake. Some ladies were jogging others walking. I hope - someday soon - to join the joggers.

One benefit of going back to work is the schedule. We wake up around 8, Z eats and is dressed, then I eat, dress, meditate and yoga, then we do an activity - cleaning or gardening. In the evening, around 9 I take Z to his room and read to him until he falls asleep. Since he's so young I'm reading my books, currently "Buddha Mom" - a set of essays about mothering as the path to enlightenment.

Just as we see changes in Z each week, I'm noticing changes in my body almost as regularly. Until last Monday, the last time I held upward dog (yoga pose) was May 1 - the day the pregnancy test was positive and we ran the Vancouver 1/2 marathon.

I like measuring my recovery in terms of yoga poses and notice I've started measuring Z's growth in them as well. As of last Wednesday, he almost held Salabhasana (lotus) - on his belly with his legs, arms, and head all raised off of the floor. He's also working on staff pose - sitting on his butt with his legs stretched in front of him. It will be a while until he can hold it himself, but each week he is closer. Yesterday, he sat in the corner of the couch for about 10 minutes and played with his bib.

A friend of a friend said of her infant son, "Each time he wakes he's older." Word.

sp1ral

sunscreen
Originally uploaded by anneke boudreau.

Sixteen years ago I moved from rural Idaho to a Chicago suburb to start college. That first semester, I read my bible and prayed every night. The next semester I took "World Religions" and for the next three years I read about Taoism, Judaism, Hinduism, Rastafari, and Islam. I went to B'hai meetings and joined a wiccan coven. I learned physics and calculus. I read Richard Bach, Gloria Steinem, and Robert M. Pirsig. I wanted to understand the various explanations of the mysteries of life. The stories and characters are different, but it felt like they were all saying, "relax and enjoy the ride. The ride is more fun when you're at peace with yourself and love your fellow travelers." Of course, they all differ on what happens next... :)

I began collecting suns - I even tatooed one on my ankle. I went to graduate school started my career and traveled the world. I took my yoga mat on every trip. My spirituality was seeing the world through my camera lens, but experienced during the fleeting moments between planes, meetings, and mad typing at my computer. As I traveled, I continued to learn - Shinto, Buddhism, quantum mechanics.

When I saw this glass window at an art fair last Friday, I realized I had stopped collecting suns; that it felt like a symbol of the immature me...that I was grown up now. This window caught my eye and I knew it was the perfect size for our hallway window - where we need privacy from our neighbors. I have been dreaming of solutions for this window ever since we bought this house.

I called J, confirmed the dimensions of the window, then bought the sun. On the way home I felt regret - it was too much money, it wasn't the style of our house, it represented the "old" me.

J hung it first thing Saturday morning. Since then, I've walked past it dozens of times. Last night, feeding Z at 2 in the morning I realized that the symbol of sun and moon is as relevant today as it was decades ago...probably more so.

Not only does it represent that I'm a sun sign (J and I are both Leos), it represents my continued belief in love and the mystery of the universe. What better way to represent the universe than with the body that gives us heat and light during the day and the other body that shows the passing of time through its reflected light? The yin and yang of life. The spirals of understanding. Our own personal orbits through the universe...bouncing off of each other...gravitating towards each other...loving.

papa's got a brand new blog

J has entered the blogosphere, check out get down. Next: we'll set up Z on MySpace. ;)

part-time

Yesterday was my first day working part-time. We'll experiment with working 5 hours per day for 4 days per week. When a colleague asked for an update, I answered:

It's incredible to watch him figure out his hands, neck, torso, mouth, vocal chords, brain...and think of how much more he has to learn. To realize there is only so much that i can teach him. I'm primarily cheerleader and environment provider - not only for him but also for me as my innate abilities unfold. Life feels like a vacation. I hope this feeling lasts.

Folks were happy to have me back, which felt good. I will need to firmly maintain boundaries, although it is much easier than it used to be - especially when Z starts crying for food at the exact time I said I would stop working for the day.

It will take me a few days to get organized, to prioritize everything. Since I've missed so much, it's like starting with a clean slate which is refreshing. I hope to leave some old work habits behind and look forward to creating some new ones.