last hour of last day...first hour of next day

I've begun the last hour of my last day at my job....or I've almost begun the first hour of the first day of my new job. ;)

It really doesn't feel like "the end." I expect some contact with folks next week - there are a couple incomplete issues...but for the most part...this is it. I feel good about stepping away from the field for a while and returning with a fresh perspective.

I'm looking forward to creatively acquiring goods and services, i.e., bartering instead of paying cash. Yesterday at the butcher, (ha! yes - me - long-time vegetarian and one-time vegan - at a butcher!), I asked for a menu to keep with my food planning pile as inspiration for lunches for J. They said it was one of those projects that keeps getting put off. I volunteered to update the menu in exchange for food. This opened up the possibility of ongoing Web work for food. heh.

I'm also looking forward to lots of time in the yard, working on the house (improvements as well as daily maintenance), prepping food for all of us (more on that below), and managing our finances....domestic goddess extraordinaire! I will likely cancel the diaper service, buy a bunch of diapers, and wash them myself. I look forward to being more creative - photography, Web design, and, of course, blogging. I may even sew some clothes for Z. We have our midwest trip to look forward to and other activities to plan - weekends in the mountains, trips to u-pick farms, birthday parties, etc. Martha Stewart...watch out. ha.

As for food, for years we've been supplementing the dogs' dry kibble with raw food. Our brand recently doubled in price (ouch) and we've been trying other varieties. I have a book about preparing it from scratch and it seems straightforward (Natural Nutrition for Dogs and Cats) and hopefully cheaper. I also have a book about making baby food from scratch (Super Baby Food). Again, pretty straightforward: mash fruit and serve; cook veggies, puree, and freeze in ice cube trays...plus other directions for grains, beans, and eventually meat and dairy. I'll discuss this with our new doctor at our first visit next Thursday. I've decided to go with the N.D./M.D. - she's associated with Children's Hospital and we had a great discussion about allergies at our "meet 'n' greet" last week.

Well, I suppose I ought to spend my last few minutes actually working... ;)

just me and the boy

J and friends drove to Spokane to play in Hoopfest - a three-on-three basketball tournament - so Z and I are here alone this weekend. Tonight, we're joining the ladies for poker. Tomorrow, we're going to CB's birthday party (she's already 2!), Sunday we're having dinner with E.E. and parents.

I bought a new car seat today - although I'm not sure that I like it yet. It will take some getting used to. I've begun phasing in the next size of clothes - 12 months. I think the visit to Grandmomma and Granny will be perfectly timed for maximum spoilage and hopefully clothes shopping. :)

I only have four days of work left. It hasn't totally sunk in although it became more real this week as my replacement started. There were several times when I listened to colleagues talking about x or y that needed to be done and they associated my replacement with those tasks instead of me! I'm a lame duck! :)

I've been thinking about what I would have done differently over the last 10 years, what I've learned, the places I've traveled. I have a few regrets but I am mostly thankful for the opportunities I have had. I haven't felt too many emotions, although I suppose I'm mildly wavering between sadness and excitement. It seems that given the slow transition I've accepted the decision, but there are nights like tonight where I feel...purposeful...I'm not sure if I'm mourning, or excited, or...present. I'm watching Z who is laying on the floor, holding his hands above his face intertwining his fingers and razzing. The sun is setting over the Olymic Mountains but still high and bright enough that the wall of white, drawn curtains is glowing. All the windows are open and the air is fresh and warm - 76 degrees. I'm listening to a mix of recently purchased music - Zero 7, Gorillaz, Carl Craig - moody, mellow, beats.

Time to move on...make some dinner, adjust the new car seat, withdraw some cash, play some poker, hang out with the ladies...just me and the boy.

allergies

We saw a pediatrician/allergist at the Northwest Allergy and Asthma Center. I scheduled the visit because Z is one itchy -- and sometimes red -- little fella. I've eliminated dairy and nuts from my diet for him and wheat for me....but he's still itchin'. I wanted to know if we had the right mix. I was tempted to eliminate soy as well, but wasn't excited about the changes to my diet.

The hives on his arms from the scratch tests were very clear:

• strong reaction to egg white and peanuts
• mild reaction to dogs, cats, and soy
• no reaction to dairy and wheat

We left with a packet of information about allergies and eczema, a prescription for zyrtec, samples of lotions, an order for a blood test (to be completed in a couple of months), and a recommendation to return in 6 to 8 months.

Nuts is typically an allergy that people do not outgrow and is most associated with anaphylaxis - Z will likely need to carry an epipen with him when he is older.

Now...I can order that pizza I've been craving and top it off with a hot fudge sundae...guilt free. :)

"a banana runs through it" - Tucson Part 3

Since hearing about E.E. sleeping 11 hours at one go, a night of sleep has become the Holy Grail. At our first breakfast in Tucson (Friday), I ordered a fruit cup that had a few pieces of banana. Grandma and Grandpa took turns feeding Z little pieces. It was great fun, we all had a wonderful meal, and then we went about our day.

That afternoon, I opened Z's diaper and what to my wondering eyes did appear but an intact piece of banana. It looked like we had taken one of those pieces of banana and stuck it directly into his diaper. "Hmm. That's kind of funny." I put on a fresh diaper and we went about our day.

That evening, I opened Z's diaper and what to my wondering eyes did appear but dozens of brown banana veins splattered about in poo like a two-tone Jackson Pollock painting. I called in Grandpa and Grandma for a 2nd and 3rd opinion - "Is that really what I think it is?" We all agreed that his system has an interesting way of dealing with bananas.

That was it for the banana chunks - both input and output. The next day we moved onto "banana water" (organic pureed baby banana food mixed with water) and everything seemed good - he drank 2 ounces and pooed like a champion. Hurray! On our flight home on Monday, he had 4 ounces on take-off.

Monday night we switched to rice cereal. I wanted to give him something with more substance and we heard that you don't want to give them sweet stuff for too long or it will be difficult to introduce veggies and grains. Plus, after the trip I was pretty tired and my milk supply was low. He had more rice on Tuesday night.

Wednesday night rolled around and we realized - "Hey - he hasn't pooed since Tuesday a.m. Let's hold off on solids until we see poo." I wrote to K (E.E.'s mom) about the lack of poo and she says, "You are experiencing the rice cereal constipation phenomenon. Try pears or apples." I confirm this in one of our books.

Go to the store. Buy pears. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. Feed Z pears. Wait for poo.

z's first flight (tucson - part 2)

Z's first trip to the airport seemed more like a trip to Disneyland - long lines, lots of smiling faces, a different sight and sound from every direction, topped off with a really long, exciting ride.

When I bought the tickets, the only available seats were center seats. As I checked in using the kiosk, I skipped past the "change seats" screen - assuming no other seats were open. The woman checking my bag said, "Are you traveling with an infant?" "yep." "Would you like an aisle seat?" "Yes, please!" Not only did she find an aisle seat, she found one next to an empty center.

The security line snaked back and forth at least 4 times then divided into 2. For Z, it was like traveling through a valley of people - and he was The River Smiles. Coming up on the home stretch, one of the security people said, "You've waited long enough," made an opening in the barrier, and escorted us to the short line (for employees and frequent travelers).

Lucky she did, because to get through security I had to: put the diaper bag, my purse, my shoes, and my jacket into a bin to be xrayed. I also had to disassemble the car seat/stroller, fold it up to put through the xray machine, and take Z's jacket off. No one helped me so I ended up laying Z on the ground. I carried him through security then had help reassembling and dressing. We rolled up to the gate as they called final boarding and were the last folks to board the plane.

As we listened to the flight attendants' security presentation, he started getting fussy. I had planned to nurse during take-off so that his ears would pop, but he wasn't going to wait that long. I think he fell asleep right as the plane started to speed down the runway....he didn't wake up again until we had been in the air for 30 minutes.

Awake, he was immediately back on the task of smiling at as many people as he could. Z kept looking behind me and giggling. I turned to see who he was "talking" with - it was a guy about my age. He said, "I keep trying not to look, but it's so hard."

Midway through the flight I felt the familiar rumblings of Z's backend filling a diaper. In all of my travels, I have always appreciated the airplane lavatory as a place to get some privacy, stand for a bit, and even do a couple stretches. They never seemed huge, but I've always been pretty comfortable in them - assuming they aren't too stinky. ;) But...that was before trying to change a 25+ inch long baby who has enough poop to fill two diapers on a changing table built for a maximum 23 inch long baby in an airplane that is in the middle of a banking curve. The cleaning crew likely found some of the poop that I missed during the clean-up.

He fell asleep again just before landing. I thought for sure he would wake up when the wheels hit the groud, but he didn't wake until we reached the gate. The walk through the airport gave him enough time to wake so that he was all smiles when grandpa met us past security.

Unexpectedly, it was one of the quickest 3 hours I've spent.

tucson - the first of many

Last Monday, smom asked if Z and I would like to surprise dad for his bday. A few hours later, Z and I had a ticket to arrive on Thursday and return the following Monday. Luckily, it wasn't enough time for me to get nervous but the perfect amount of time to pack. We took lots of photos and have many stories to tell. I expect to publish several posts this week about the trip.

It turns out that traveling with Z is really fun. He loves all of the things and people to look at and charms every person he meets. I lost count of how many people said, "what a happy baby!" during our trip. Plus, it was so much fun to watch grandma and grandpa talk and play with Z.

Coming soon...Z's first flight, Z's first swim, "a banana runs through it," "lions, and puppets, and books - oh my," the birthday party, skin deep, coming home, etc.

a moment to remember

Last night I woke at 3 a.m. Z was asleep, nestled along my side on my right arm. J had fallen asleep on the couch. The sun was just beginning its trek across the sky, not up but enough that I could see Z's soft cheeks with a blue hue. I stared at him in my arms for the next hour - watched as the light changed, listened as he breathed and the birds began to wake, and relished the moment knowing that one day he will not be so small - small enough to fit between my shoulder and my hip, perfect to cuddle with as we sleep. As I lay there -- awake, in love, in awe -- J came to bed and together we snuggled Z between us.

time is speeding up

There is something about June...

Not sure what it is but it feels like Z and I are both "waking up." May was a difficult month - we didn't have the support of grandmomma but I was still trying to work. As the clock winds down on my job, not only am I feeling less attachment to work and more attachment to Z, I'm feeling all sorts of changes.

I'm not sure how much time I have, so I'll make a list and hope to expand on these later:

• Finishing things - rather than starting a series projects one after another - without finishing any of them- I'm actually finishing one project before starting the next. This is as simple as washing the dishes and not starting the laundry or anything else until I'm done washing the dishes...and not just *most* of the dishes, ALL of them. It also includes putting the lawn mower away before I start weeding. All of these small "projects" lead up to completing larger projects. In some way I wonder if this is related to not finishing a work project for over 6 years and how overwhelmed I always felt...always so much to do...I'm not feeling overwhelmed as much anymore. I'm much more focused on the task at hand. I think there are two things driving this change: 1. having read "The Power of Now" and trying to practice what I read and 2. never knowing how much time I have before Z needs me again. Those short bursts of time have helped me focus.
  
• Asking for help - for some reason I thought I could find answers to all of my questions in books or on the Web. ha. (Shy or introverted? ;) But, I'm discovering that bringing up things in conversation usually leads to new, good nuggets of information. In the last week, I've learned about an N.D./M.D. pediatrician (naturopath and medical doctor), found a sitter, bought tickets to Chicago (for $5), arranged a dinner with a couple from our birth class, and found someone willing to hire me as a consultant ("I resigned a couple weeks ago." "What do you do?" "Write accessibility guidelines." "You're hired! Tell us when you're ready to start."...well, not quite but not far off). I'm reaching out to folks in ways that I haven't...probably because I was so overwhelmed with work. :) This seems related to the new circle of friends we're cultivating and having a whole new set of questions on my mind.
  

hmm. seems to me there were other things I wanted to talk about, but before I do I want to write about our dinner last night with S, K, and E.E. I met K in a prenatal yoga class and was happy to see her in our birth class. E.E. and Z were born 21 days apart (E.E. is older) and are the same height and weight - it was fun sharing stories about our 4.5 month olds in 9 month clothing. The big news is that they started E.E. on solids when he was around 3 months and he's been so much happier ever since - we've got big boys and they need lots of calories! So, we gave Z a couple spoonfuls of E.E.'s food and Z devoured it. Not to mention, E.E. sleeps for 11 hours! Since I'm breastfeeding (and it is easy to digest), Z's been eating almost every 2 hours around the clock. What's sleep? What would 11 hours be like? I can't even imagine...although I hope we find out soon. :)

Today is our first day with our new sitter! eep. Z has been a little fussy - allergies or separation anxiety? Well, it's hard. We've had fun the last month...and we'll have fun again next month...but I need to focus on wrapping up this job.

I hope to get back into a writing rhythm, I realize that I haven't been writing as much. But, we have exciting times ahead...multiple airline trips. More on that soon. eep!

that's how we roll

he rolled over! And to ensure it wasn't a fluke, I rolled him back over and watched him do it three more times...then J got home from work and he did it again.

I put him on his back on the bath mat on the floor while I got ready for bed. I put on my nightgown, cleaned my face, and looked over at him and he was on his belly looking up at me with a huge grin. :)