Looking back, being now, hoping forward

2011 was a year of empty spaces: creating them, exploring them, letting go of the need to fill them. Twelve months of new moons: darkness, letting go, purging fruitless thought patterns. It was a year of self-love: acupuncture, therapy, practicising saying "no." A cycle around the sun of expanding spirit: playing piano, meditating, spending time with me. A year of parenting: kindergarten, swolphins, my son as a mirror shining light on my inner child.

My hope is that 2012 will be a year of clearer spaces: less dust, discernment, welcoming what is desired. May it be twelve months of full moons: lightness, joy, receiving blessings. A year of love: myself, my family, opening up to "yes." 365 days of: shining, joyful, bold bountiful beautiful being.  A year of mothering: first grade, coaching, a cycle of meaningful and memorable rituals.

And, I intend to take Neil Gaiman's advice and make mistakes...and enjoy the wisdom that comes from learning rather than the criticism of imperfection.
Happy new year and much love to you all.

Unexpected benefits: part 2

On August 26, 2005, when I was 4 months pregnant I wrote "Unexpected benefits" which included the following:

Before getting pregnant I was afraid that being pregnant and having a child would take me away from the creative direction I wanted to head; instead, I've been pushed in that direction.
...
Who would have thunk that heading in the direction that felt least likely to open up these avenues is exactly the road to take? That instead of limiting opportunities, there is a world of new ones waiting for me?

Here I am again, amazed at the profound effect Z has had on my life and my person. As his vocabulary slowly blossoms while his physicality zooms ahead, we are challenged by his physical expressions - hitting and pushing. In our parent education class we've been learning about temperament and emotions. We were asked to list as many emotions as we could come up with. Before that class, I thought there was happy, sad, and angry. I got curious and bought or borrowed several children's books on emotions - amazed by the stories that other parents told about their children hearing these stories enough times until one day it sinks in and they "shake off" anger or demonstrate some other "tool" described in the books.

With them, I'm learning about the variety of emotions that I experience on a daily basis. I can better express my emotions to my husband when he asks to go snowboarding and I'm not particularly thrilled. Before, I would have chalked it up as "angry" but today I realize it's jealous (that I don't get to go) and shame (for being jealous).

How exciting! I have a whole new vocabulary.

I have struggled with emotions - expressing them, listening to them - and have always wanted to "do better." To be a grounded, intuitive person. One of my friends who is an energy worker says that I "somatize" emotions. Until today, I didn't understand what she meant. Now, I realize that I feel emotions physically but I don't allow them into my brain; don't acknowledge and name them; don't listen to them.

Well, I'm listening now and I'll be teaching Z to listen, too.

Thank you, Z.

guy lombardo and his royal canadians

"088888876 ,mmmm"
z's first blog post. That's my boy.

We're dancing to guy lombardo and his royal canadians' version of auld lang syne...we have all the holiday tunes cranking. I can not wait for Christmas this year!! Z is making it so much fun. He is in awe of the neighbors' lights (we walk down the street most nights oohing and aahing), the presents under the tree, the ornaments, the fact there's a tree in the house. Every night he walks to the tree and asks "on, please." When the lights come on he says, "blue." I've been collecting snowflake and snowperson ornaments for the last couple of years (many thanks to Grams for adding many fun pieces to the collection!). This year our tree is blue lights and white ornaments - snowflakes and snowfolk. We didn't put up too many ornaments, I didn't know how much attention the tree would get from the wee one, but I'm happy to report that he's very respectful and it's not been an issue.

I haven't been this excited about the holidays since I was a kid....

I did most of my Christmas shopping downtown - spent some good time at Pike's Place Market - such good holiday energy!!

We're staying here for the holiday. LMcG will arrive Sunday from Portland. It will be mellow and wonderful. We're planning a hike in the snow, a trip to the aquarium, a Sonics game, and a day of snowboarding.

yay!

A very merry holiday to all of you! Super Solstice! Krazy Kwanzaa! Happy Hanukkah! Cheery Christmas!

Much love. Many hugs. Tons of smooches.