Unexpected benefits: part 2

On August 26, 2005, when I was 4 months pregnant I wrote "Unexpected benefits" which included the following:

Before getting pregnant I was afraid that being pregnant and having a child would take me away from the creative direction I wanted to head; instead, I've been pushed in that direction.
...
Who would have thunk that heading in the direction that felt least likely to open up these avenues is exactly the road to take? That instead of limiting opportunities, there is a world of new ones waiting for me?

Here I am again, amazed at the profound effect Z has had on my life and my person. As his vocabulary slowly blossoms while his physicality zooms ahead, we are challenged by his physical expressions - hitting and pushing. In our parent education class we've been learning about temperament and emotions. We were asked to list as many emotions as we could come up with. Before that class, I thought there was happy, sad, and angry. I got curious and bought or borrowed several children's books on emotions - amazed by the stories that other parents told about their children hearing these stories enough times until one day it sinks in and they "shake off" anger or demonstrate some other "tool" described in the books.

With them, I'm learning about the variety of emotions that I experience on a daily basis. I can better express my emotions to my husband when he asks to go snowboarding and I'm not particularly thrilled. Before, I would have chalked it up as "angry" but today I realize it's jealous (that I don't get to go) and shame (for being jealous).

How exciting! I have a whole new vocabulary.

I have struggled with emotions - expressing them, listening to them - and have always wanted to "do better." To be a grounded, intuitive person. One of my friends who is an energy worker says that I "somatize" emotions. Until today, I didn't understand what she meant. Now, I realize that I feel emotions physically but I don't allow them into my brain; don't acknowledge and name them; don't listen to them.

Well, I'm listening now and I'll be teaching Z to listen, too.

Thank you, Z.