Radiant
We're halfway through the 3rd trimester. The last time I wrote was 6 weeks ago and in that time I've been to California twice and to D.C. once. I met a U.S. Senator, the Director of the NSF and been the Seattle PI's Geek of the Week. I've started working 30+ hours per week, been dancing a couple of times, reconnected with a very dear friend, and continued to date. I've sobbed in therapy and felt happier than I have in a long time. I'm meeting new people and finding myself in the midst of two amazing, smart, warm, wise communities. I feel blessed. I continue to reprogram my brain and body. Several times per day I rest my hands on my belly and check in with my gut then move my hands to my chest and check in with my heart. I'm getting lots of good information...and listening to it.
The current nugget that I'm wrestling with is accepting that I am a geek and there are people out there who are attracted to geeky women in glasses. [[...deleted opinions about John not finding geeks attractive and me spending most of our relationship trying to hide the fact that I'm a geek with glasses...]]
A friend told me this morning that I looked radiant. This is after crying and not showering. He truly thought I looked beautiful. And, I felt radiant. Not because I looked beautiful, but I felt and looked like MYSELF. Wendy 3.0 in her full glory.
Seeing myself through my eyes instead of others. Loving what I see because it is me. I am lovable! It's been so long since I've felt that. It's so hard to admit and so freeing to admit that.
So, here I am. A geek with glasses. A big brain and a big heart.
Radiant.
The current nugget that I'm wrestling with is accepting that I am a geek and there are people out there who are attracted to geeky women in glasses. [[...deleted opinions about John not finding geeks attractive and me spending most of our relationship trying to hide the fact that I'm a geek with glasses...]]
A friend told me this morning that I looked radiant. This is after crying and not showering. He truly thought I looked beautiful. And, I felt radiant. Not because I looked beautiful, but I felt and looked like MYSELF. Wendy 3.0 in her full glory.
Seeing myself through my eyes instead of others. Loving what I see because it is me. I am lovable! It's been so long since I've felt that. It's so hard to admit and so freeing to admit that.
So, here I am. A geek with glasses. A big brain and a big heart.
Radiant.
posted by sp1ral at 10:23 AM
5 Comments:
I think Wendy 3.0 looks awesome!
In my mind, Wendy never needed revising - but I'm glad you found re-vision for yourself. You're beautiful, inside and outside. Do not forget that.
Radiant and radiating. Keep checking in with your belly, it won't steer you wrong. xoxox
Keep it up sis, glad to see the g33k resurface!
Wendy - just to comment - many many people like the intelligent geek girl thing. Especially when one is as beautiful as you are.
Keep your chin up, listen to your heart and trust yourself. It's interesting to see where you are going in your journey.
(heck I've always thought you were amazing and that it was too bad you were married)
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