good rules, bad rules

A friend asked, "Are you afraid of being a bad parent?"

It's a tough question. I think the most important thing to do as a parent is listen - and I've had a lot of opportunities to hone this skill at work. I *have* to listen to all sides of a story - whether I agree with them or not. Then, I help figure out if there is a compromise between the different positions. I'm pretty good at seeing and respecting different points of view. I think this will be helpful as a parent because there's going to be this young man, with his own personality, desires, interests, etc.

But, what if my child doesn't talk to me? What if there isn't much for me to listen to?

I'm always amazed at my friends' childhood stories. They snuck out of the house, destroyed their neighbor's property, started smoking or doing drugs in Jr. High School, etc. etc. I wasn't an angel, but so many of those things never occurred to me. I didn't sneak around or lie because I pretty much told my parents everything I was doing. Why was that? What was it that they did that caused me to feel safe and open?

I think it was a couple things:

1. Emphasis on honesty and uncanny ability to catch me lying.
   Maybe I just wasn't a good liar or maybe my parents could read me well, but I just couldn't lie to them. Plus, they both emphasized how important it is to be honest and that one lie leads to another.
2. Good Rules, Bad Rules.
   Mom reminded me of the George Carlin bit where he describes the differences between good rules and bad rules. A good rule is, "don't stick your arm out the window." "Why?" "Because a passing car could rip it off." A bad rule is, "Don't run in the house." Why? "Because I said so." I think mom and dad created good rules (i.e., had good explanations for the rules) - either that or they took advantage of my gullibility. ;)